Thursday, November 4, 2010

Gloomy weather

Today, I was so glad it was so gloomy outside! I felt yucky when I woke up. I thought I might be getting Strep since Cameron had it last week. She is on her last 2 days of antibiotics, so I am thinking someone in this house is doomed pretty shortly! Today, eveyone was pretty mellow. The girls played play-doh. Corbett has been off and on again with his aweful crabbiness with his teeth. I know they are hurting him, because I can see the bloody gums. It makes me feel bad for him. I will be glad when teething is over with too. (most things with the baby stages I will be glad to see go!)
Anyway, I don't think I am getting strep. I think that i am really stressed and have some anxiety about our situation currently and my body's defense mechanism is to shut down adn disassociate. Most situations in my life when "trauma" has struck or crisis, this is what happens. I get SO extremely tired that I feel like my arms weigh a ton. Food is not appealing; I am not hungry. I just want to sleep until I can wake up and things are normal again. BUT I can't do that. That is NOT dealing with things; its ignoring it. So I will pull up my boot straps, tighten my belt take a deep breath and plug on! What other choice do I have anyway? I have 4 little people relying on me for strength and everything else they could possible need. They can't know how extremely trying this is for me. They know to a degree, but its better if they not know how much. Its part of parenting, protecting-right?! I love those little people. They make our house warm. Clayton gave me a hug today. It made me cry. He knew it too. We have this bond...he just looks at me, and I look back and we kinda shake things off and find somethign to distract our attention away from tears. Neither one of us handle them well. He is my son. I am thankful today for the gloomy weather and my son!

2 comments:

Chastity Gomez said...

Praying for you regularly Abbey! Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart fail, but GOD is the STRENGTH of my life and my portion forever!"- LOVE this verse!!!

~Abbey~ said...

thanks Chas....funny, i am about to get to that chapter in my reading through Psalm today! Jacob got to where he needed to be safely and he was able to call, so that was nice!